Overcome Your Fear Of Networking Events (and how to talk to anyone )
Over a short period I aim to give you tools and strategies that will help you overcome your fears, giving you the confidence and finesse to turn a room full of strangers into friends and acquaintances. I am a networking veteran of over 22 years, a career coach, a business skills trainer, a talent acquisition expert, a father and a fitness addict (not necessarily in that order!)
The value of face-to-face networking and communication
As technology now makes it easier for young professionals to communicate from the confines of their phone, there is becoming less and less inclination for face-to-face communication. However, when using smartphones etc we need to remember how much of our communication is verbal or just text and how much is non-verbal. 10-15% is verbal and the rest is non-verbal (tone, intonation, body language etc). For developing and forging positive, robust relationships, there is no better way than face-to-face communication.
The deepest fears remain the same
Some of the deepest fears we hear young professionals profess to these days are of public speaking and engaging with strangers at networking events. This can actually be quite heartwarming to older professionals as it demonstrates that some things haven’t really changed much over the years!
For many young professionals, attending a networking event is usually not their own idea, but at the behest of a manager. The fortunate few are lucky enough to have a mentor-manager to go along with them and show them the ropes, but many will go it alone, have a horribly lonely first experience which taints them for years after. It’s difficult to overcome negative first experiences but not impossible. One just needs the right mindset and the right toolset, couple this with a supportive manager or trainer/coach and the experience can be over-written in a more positive way.
Previously as a Head of Recruitment for 2 Private Banks, my role focused around networking. In the process I was given ample opportunity to watch many senior people whose business was reliant upon networking, display the same behaviours as junior networkers. I’m sure this is actually heartwarming to junior professionals that some things have not changed over the years!
By far the most similar behaviour is that of entering the room, shoulders down and spotting a friend/acquaintance. Almost with a cry of relief they then head over to that person (we’ll call him Jimmy) and then spend the remaining hour chatting with someone ‘safe’ until they spot someone else they know
But, at the end of the event, what have they actually achieved? What opportunities of new acquaintances, forged alliances, career prospects or even future revenue have they missed?
So what fears do we naturally harbor when we attend these events? What makes us start to sweat, go icy cold or head for the nearest Jimmy?
Our trainees tell us that fear of rejection plays a key role. Being rejected by networkees talking together when you try to join them or the fear of rejection by an individual/group if you are considered uninteresting. There are simple and effective strategies to deal with these fears.
There are ‘secrets’ that outstanding networkers use. I use inverted commas as many are easily found in Google searches however, over a series of posts I would like to share a number of these with you.
Let’s deal with overcoming some of these fears.
Fear of rejection by other delegates.
I recently attended a training session given by a well-known coach on this topic. He said that you can approach any groups of people, hang around on the outskirt and insert yourself.
After the event there was a networking session. So I tested out his theory and approached him as he was standing toe-to-toe with another delegate in deep discussion. In usual practice I will not do this as I recognize that 2 people, toe-to-toe are usually engrossed and it’s difficult (and usually rude) to interrupt.
This was perhaps the loneliest 20 seconds of my life, but my theory proved right. I was completely ignored so I walked away and found another group. In this instance, I had prepared myself to be ignored and so I was fine with the feelings I encountered. But this may have ruined a novice’s evening.
When looking for groups of people to join, quickly assess the openness of the group and the intensity of the conversation. If the group is seemingly closed (feet pointed inwards towards the middle of the circle) and the conversation intense, then I may consider moving somewhere else so as not to interrupt their flow. I may then look at this group from time to time and assess when it is becoming more ‘open’ and then join them.
A strategy guaranteed to build confidence and overcome fear
As a novice networker, recognize that however nervous you may be, there is always bound to be someone more nervous than you. You can recognize them as they’ll be standing alone, looking like they want to disappear into the wall.
Go and seek out that person, put your hand out, introduce yourself with a nice smile, ask them what kind of business they are in… and you may have a friend for life. When you have run the course of natural conversation, ask your new friend if they would like to join with you to find another individual/group.
Suddenly you’re both not alone anymore, you’re a team. Find another person who looks like they need some confidence to join your team.
This works well to help build confidence. At some point you will not need this strategy anymore, you will have the confidence to engage with anyone… but never forget the person on the sidelines, for you were there at one time….
The easiest way to join a group is to find one that already has a gap in it, the conversation sounds relaxed and stand on the outside. Wait for a natural break in the conversation and then simply ask “May I join you?” As it’s a networking event, it’s the least likely place on the planet where anyone will say “No”. People are there to meet and press the flesh.
Remember your manners, don’t take over the conversation and don’t immediately start handing round business cards unless local etiquette applies.
Please subscribe to my twitter channel (@denisdmv) for the next part of developing your networking skills.
Denis Miles-Vinall runs a learning and development organisation that trains young professionals in vital business skills and finesse that Universities don’t ordinarily teach.
Any spelling mistakes and typos are all his own work.